


Maybe Now We'll Be Okay

by BatmanWhoLaughss



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Rebels, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Episode: s03e03 The Holocrons of Fate, Extended Scene, Ezra Bridger Needs a Hug, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Gen, One Shot, Parental Kanan Jarrus, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24140908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss
Summary: Extended Scene from s03 e03: Ezra and Kanan talk more about Malachor.“I’m sorry, Kanan. About everything. I… I’m sorry.” Ezra didn’t know what else he could say. No words would give Kanan his eyes back. He was ashamed to even look his master in the face.
Relationships: Ezra Bridger & Kanan Jarrus
Comments: 10
Kudos: 92





	Maybe Now We'll Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> It really bugs me that Kanan and Ezra only had like, a 2 second conversation about what happened on Malachor, since it was clearly eating Ezra alive. So I wrote a longer one. Kudos/comments/feedback is appreciated, as always.

“Kanan?” Ezra stopped, his arms crossed. He’d been thinking about this for a while now, about what he would say to his master, but contemplation hadn’t made him dread this moment any less.

“About what happened…” He trailed off as Kanan turned around expectantly. He looked down at the floor, trying to find the words. He still felt so unbelievably _guilty_ about Malachor, and even thinking about it made his heart drop down to the pit of his stomach. _What if he hates me?_

When he thought Kanan was avoiding him afterwards, everything felt worse, the emotions burning through him like wildfire. Guilt, regret, remorse... It had been his choice to trust Maul, and Kanan and Ashoka had paid the price. He looked up again—Kanan was still waiting for him to say something.

“I’m sorry, Kanan. About everything. I… I’m sorry.” Ezra didn’t know what else he could say. No words would give Kanan his eyes back, or undo Ashoka’s death. He looked at the floor again, ashamed to even look his master in the face. _Here’s where he says he never wants to see me again._ He didn’t think he could survive losing another family, but if that’s what Kanan wanted, he would understand.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up, surprised to see Kanan’s eyes open, looking at him. “It wasn’t your fault.” Kanan was smiling at him, and that, more than anything, shocked Ezra to the core. He expected Kanan to yell at him, tell him he was stupid to trust Maul, to use the holocron—stupid for all of it. Or maybe that’s just what he thought of himself. “I never blamed you, Ezra. You have to know that.”

Ezra averted his eyes again, a lump welling in his throat and shame coursing through him. “It was my fault. All of it,” he said in a whisper.

“Ezra…” Kanan had pity written all over his face, and Ezra knew he didn’t deserve it.

“It was.” His voice was trembling. “It was my choice to trust Maul, to work with him, and you and Ashoka got hurt. I was so _stupid_ to think Maul was on our side. And then after, to use the holocron? You should _hate_ me, Kanan. You should yell at me, you should--.” His voice broke on the last phrase, and he could feel tears welling in his eyes. He still couldn’t look his master in the eye.

“Ezra, listen to me.” Kanan’s voice was stern, but kind, and wavering a bit. As Ezra looked up he could see his clouded eyes were shining too. “In the heat of the moment, we all make difficult choices. Ashoka and I chose to trust you. I would do it again in a _heartbeat_ , and I’m sure she would too. What Maul did? That is _not_ on you. That's on him, and him alone. You did the best you could, and of _course_ I don’t hate you. Matter of fact, I’m proud of you.”

Ezra’s tears were falling in full force by then, and he wiped his eyes as he took shaky breaths. “And the holocron?”

Kanan sighed. “That’s on _me_ , Ezra. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I pushed you away, and I’m sorry. I should have been there- we could have figured out what to do about the holocron together. Instead I let you suffer—I could _feel_ how much pain you were in, how guilty you were feeling, but I couldn’t bring myself to bring it up.” He had his hands on both of Ezra’s shoulders now.

“Kanan, no-- I don’t blame you. Of _course_ I don’t—”

“It’s in the past, Ezra,” Kanan said with a heavy voice. Then, in a softer tone, “It’s time for you to forgive yourself.”

Tears were still flowing down his face, his breath coming in hiccupping sobs. Hastily, he wiped them away, trying to steady his voice. “Yes, Master.”

Ezra couldn’t help it—he threw himself at Kanan, wrapping his arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. He’d _missed_ this, missed talking to Kanan about what was on his mind. Somehow, like he had it down to an exact science, Kanan always knew exactly what he needed to hear. _Like Dad always used to._

Kanan held him tight, running a hand through Ezra’s close-cropped hair as his tears slowly dried. Sure, they were in a cave full of giant spiders, with an angry Sith holding their friends, but at that moment, Ezra didn’t care. Right then, embracing the man that had become like a father to him, he felt like he was _finally_ starting to find peace.


End file.
